The Pain of Unforgiveness vs. The Freedom of Forgiving

Hello Again!

Ok, so...it's been a WHILE since I've put my thoughts onto "paper" via this blog. Frankly, there has been so much I have wanted and intended to share with you, including this truthful and heartfelt account of my experience, but for some reason I haven't been able to get myself to do so until now. This story is true, and it is kind of a lengthy read, but please read until the end. If you don't read it for yourself, read it to share with and help someone you know, who is battling with unforgiveness. Do it because you love them, and you want to let them know that forgiveness is not only God's way, it is the only real way to find peace and rest (as this song says).

I was just finishing up my cross-training treadmill workout today when the song "East to West," by Casting Crowns came on. I love this song, so much so that I've made it part of my "cool down" playlist. I know I've heard this song hundreds of times, and I know every word of it, but today, literally just 15 minutes ago I heard a brand new verse, one that until now I'd never heard before. Actually, it seemed like I'd never heard it before, but in reality it has always been in this song and I have heard it countless times before now. But today what I heard in the words of this verse spoke directly to me, to my heart, and to my biggest challenge since having my miscarriage-Forgiveness.

The verse goes like this:

"Here I am Lord and I'm drowning. In your sea of forgetfulness. The chains of yesterday surrond me. I yearn for peace and rest. I don't want to end up where you found me, and it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight. I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west, and I stand before you now as though I've never sinned. Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away, from you leaving me this way. Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west? Cause I can't stand to see the man I've been come rising up in me again, in the arms of your mercy I find rest. Cause you know just how far the east is from the west, from one scarred hand to the other..."

The part that hit me like a ton of bricks, and sent me to my knees while I was still on my treadmill, tears pouring like falling rain, was this part:

..."I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west, and I stand before you now as though I've never sinned..."

WOW. I've read it in the Bible. My Husband reminds me often. I hear Joel Osteen say it. I KNOW IT. But, I have not been able really "get it" until now. God sent his only Son to die for our sins-for my sins, so that I can be set free. I am a sinner, and yet through mercy and my walk with Christ I am forgiven. That being said, I have failed to recognize the significance and importance of forgiving others. I have held hatred, anger, and resentment in my heart, and I have felt the pain of this every day. It is difficult to put this into words. To say that "this song" spoke to me is true, however what I know is that GOD spoke to me, through the words of this song today. "I stand before you now as though I'd never sinned."

Hearing these words I felt as if I'd been struck by lighting, and it took my breath away. I felt my heart stop beating for a split second, so much so that I grabbed at my chest. This is when I felt a explosion of emotion burst from within me. The realization that God could forgive mankind for our sins, including the persecution of his only son Jesus Christ, and yet I could not forgive others for things that only now I realize are trivial in comparison, well this realization was crushing. My Husband has asked me before, "if you died tomorrow and faced God in Heaven, how would you explain why you'd not fogiven this person, especially when He had forgiven you?" I never have been able to answer his question. But right here in the words of this song, "I stand before you now as though I'd never sinned." I come to the realization that if I did meet God I would have no answer for Him either, and if I have no answer for my actions, then my actions must be in vain.

People have said to me (in reference to my miscarriage, and my resentment and hostility towards certain people in my life), "you just need to get over it."
They were right, kind of. What I really needed to do is exactly what my Husband, my family, especially my Husband, and the Bible says. I need to FORGIVE. I've prayed and prayed and prayed some more, but I have still not been able to forgive. But why? I found the answer in this Bible verse:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22

This says to me that forgiveness is not necessarily easy for us, and it is not automatic. Forgiveness is indeed a choice, but it may not be a choice that we make only once and then that's it, from here on out we are in a continuing state of forgiving everyone. Forgiveness takes effort and work, but is important that we do this work because God's word tells us we must. Matthew 6:14-16 says:
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. I've also learned that holding grudges will hinder prayers from being answered. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25

As I listened to the words of Casting Crowns "East to West," I began to pray yet again, but this time would be very different. This time I decided to trust God, and as I turned my feelings of anger, resentment, and hatred over to Him, I made the choice to FORGIVE. I trust Him to do the work in me that needs to be done in order to be set free of the pain of unforgiveness. The Bible says forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 I choose to obey God's word and forgive. By doing so I am choosing freedom. Freedom comes only when you release yourself, with the help of the Almighty, from the chains that bind you when your heart holds onto resentment.

There is an indescribable feeling that comes over one's soul when she forgives. It is unlike any other feeling. It is being set free from chains that hold you down and keep you from advancing in your life. It is an immediate and instantaneous release of the most dreadful spiritual and emotional, and even physical pain that has consumed your life for days on end. It is finally being able to smile again and mean it. I experienced this. I felt in that moment as if my body, my mind, my heart, and my soul had been cleansed, rejuvenated, and revived. All I could think of was "WHY did I not do this sooner?!"

As I continued to pray I thanked God for getting me through this. I asked Him to forgive me for not showing mercy and grace to others as He had shown to me. In forgiving someone else, I also forgave myself.

Unti It Happened To Me

I always thought I understood what it meant to experience a miscarriage-until it happened to me. I can honestly say now that unless you have personally gone through this yourself as a woman, you can never really understand the complexity, the mix of emotions, and the pain involved.

2 Crosses

Upon my wall hang 2 crosses with the words "In Loving Memory" on them. To those who know us these crosses need no explanation. They hang here on this wall to remind us of two very special people we will finally have the honor to meet one sweet day in Heaven. Their names are Jonah and Mary, and they are our Twin Children, whom we have only met in our dreams. We we have never had the opportunity to hold them, to hear them laugh, to see them smile, or to play with them. They were created by the Grace of God via IVF, on January 16, 2008 at the same time as our living 3-year old Twin Children Noah and Dovie. They were kept safe for us until recently when Joshua and I we were ready for them.

Having been through IVF before we knew what to expect, and just as last time, we left no room for doubt in our minds that we would become pregnant with our second set of Boy/Girl Twins. We followed each step of the IVF process exactly, we prayed, we believed, and we made plans. When Joshua and attended my 20 year high school reunion I was pregnant.  It was so exciting seeing my friends after so many years and having this wonderful and exciting news to share with them!

Finding out I was pregnant with our second set of Twins was even more exciting this time because we had Noah and Dovie Grace to share in our excitement. When we started our IVF protocol in May we began talking to them about how "Mommy would be getting pregnant and having more babies."  Noah and Dovie, at just under three years old, were very excited about being a "big brother and big sister!"  They watched me take my shots and helped me put the patches on my belly.   They asked many questions, which we gladly answered. They would look at, rub, kiss, and even talk to my belly. Soon the waiting became too much for them-especially Dovie Grace, as she would say to me constantly, "Mommy I want to see my Baby Brother and Sister NOW!" I just knew I was in for 9 months of this nonstop repeatitive talk, and although she began to sound like a broken record, I was looking forward to hearing that record play every day for the remainder of my pregnancy. However, these days those are not the words I hear from her sweet little mouth. Instead, she says almost daily, "Mommy I miss my baby sister and brother." When the tears fill my eyes I take a deep breath, hold her in my arms and remind her that they now live in Heaven with Jesus.

Never before in my life have I experienced such a mix of emotions as I have over the last few months. I have been sad, shocked, in disbelief, dumbfounded, confused, in angst, heartbroken, numb, and angry. I have some peace because I know that our precious Jonah and Mary are being held in Jesus' arms, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to come join them one day. If it weren't for my faith and trust in God, I know I would not have made it through these difficult months. I thank God for giving me the strength to get through this. I also thank God for giving me my Husband Joshua, who has been my rock. As hard as this has been for me I know he has suffered equally as much with his grief, and yet he has always been my strong set of shoulders when I lose all my strength and completely break down. My family has been a strong source of support, as they always are for both Joshua and myself. Still, with all of the resources of support I have had, including some counseling, it is just so hard to believe that it's over. How could I be pregnant one day and then not pregnant the next? For Joshua and I, the possibility that this pregnancy would end without two healthy babies was simply unimaginable. We still do not, nor will we ever, at least in this life, understand WHY. There is no closure.

I have chosen to use the written word to communicate my experience, as it is difficult for me to verbally talk about our miscarriage. When I hear myself saying the words "I had a miscarriage," it hits me like a ton of bricks and I am flooded with a tsunami of emotions that suffocates me to the point I feel like I am drowning. It feels completely overwhelming. I thought that by now I would be over this. Ok, who am I kidding, I knew when it happened I would never completely heal, and I would live the rest of my life thinking about my children, wondering what would have been, and missing them. The place in my heart reserved for Jonah and Mary is now filled with emptiness. Still, each time Dovie or Noah ask me about their little sister and brother, I gather up all my strength and I sit with them and talk about what happened, and reassure them that one day we will get to be with them when we get to Heaven. For them, this is sufficient explanation. For me, is simply isn't enough. In 2008 when we had IVF the first time the odds were stacked against us having a sucessful pregnancy.  We were told it probably wouldn't be syccessful.   But we don't wager on odds and instead we put all our faith in JESUS.   Joshua and I both knew with all certainty that we WOULD become pregnant with a boy and a girl-we just knew this to be true, and we thanked God in advance with gracious expectation.

When God answered our prayers he gave us hope for our future with two additional perfectly formed embryos. While I wanted all four implanted simultaneously, our IVF doc put in only two and we chose to keep the others in what I like to call their "luxury hotel" for safe keeping. In the last 3.5 years I have thought about and prayed for them-Jonah and Mary, every single day. When you know that at a certain time your life will be blessed with more children, you begin making plans, you prepare, you hope, and you look forward. Since our miscarriage I have felt like my world has stopped spinning in a sense. Noah and Dovie have kept me going, because there have been many days when after my Husband leaves for work I just want to crawl into bed and sleep the day away, but I must continue to be the best Mommy I can to Noah and Dovie, who deserve nothing less. I sometimes find myself wanting to sleep in order to dream about Jonah and Mary. Other times I find myself not wanting to go to sleep because my dreams about them are so real, that waking up from them feels like I am experiencing their deaths all over again, and the pain is almost unbearable. I'm afraid I have developed a pattern of insomnia because of this cycle.

Additionally, this experience has put some fear into my head concerning Noah and Dovie. I remember bringing them home from the hospital after they were born, and I was terrified of everything-the ride home with them in our car, walking down the stairs while holding them, even cutting the little hospital ID bracelet from their ankles scared me. It hit me like a ton of bricks how fragile their lives were, and how I was now responsible for them for at least the next 18 years! I am not sure how many parents-if any, feel this way or if I am alone in this, but it was really a scary time which took a lot of prayer to get through. I don't remember when it was that I finally stopped letting fear run me over like a truck, but I can tell you when it reappeared in my life, and that was when I had my miscarriage. It was then that I realized that just like Jonah and Mary, Noah and Dovie could be taken from us at any moment, and that thought both terrifies me and makes me hold steadfast to my faith and trust in God.

I believe that in life it is important for us to learn from experiences we have. If there is one thing I have learned from this, it is how to comfort someone who has suffered a miscarriage, and what NOT to say. I have heard so many words of "comfort" from people, and albeit I do believe they mean well, their words sting like bees. The comments I have heard are too numerous to post here, but some of the most memorable include, "It just wasn't meant to be," "Well at least you already have two children," "At least you weren't that far along," "You can always adopt," "Are you going to try again?" "You shouldn't spend time being sad because you have two beautiful children, and that should make you feel blessed because there are so many people in the world who can never have any children." "Oh well it just wasn't in God's plan I guess," "There was probably something wrong with them so God took them," "Well think of it as a blessing, I mean how would you have gotten anything done with FOUR kids?" Yes, they REALLY said those things, and yes they really said them to my face. Recently a friend of mind sent me this message via Facebook, and it meant so much to me I thought I would post it here, as an example of the kind of words that comfort, show sympathy, and also encourage.

"I am so very sorry about your miscarriage and the sadness that it brings. I can not even imagine what that is like to go through and my heart breaks for you. I know you have a wonderful husband and sweet little angels to drive you on those really sad days, but i hope you do find time to allow yourself time to go through your grieving and emotions. you deserve that. Big hug to you!"


This is the kind of response that helps because it is honest, caring, and a simple but important reminder that although it may feel like it at times, you are not alone in your pain. People who know you are hurting too. They feel the pain of your loss through you because they genuinely care about you. I don't want others to be in pain. I just want them to allow me time to grieve this loss, because that is exactly what this is-this is a tragic loss. I know our angels are living it up right now in Heaven with sweet Jesus. That, and only that knowledge, gives me peace.


Thank you for reading my most private thoughts, and thank you for your prayers.
Amanda

Rasperry Waffle Sandwich

Good Morning All!

This morning's breakfast was a sweet surprise for Noah & Dovie, and I am excited to share the recipe with you! It is easy as pie, and tastes as good as pie too! It has a beautiful presentation, and it would make the perfect breakfast or even dessert for Valentine's Day.

Toast 2 Whole Grain Belgium Waffles, then cut each in half so you now have 4 pieces.

Spread Lemon Pudding** (you can use any kind-I made my own using real lemons) on the tops of 2 pieces.

Place fresh Raspberries on top of pudding, then cover each piece with other piece of toast, like a sandwich.

Spread pudding on top of each sandwich followed by raspberries.

Top with whip cream and 1 or 2 Raspberries.

**I added Jay Robb Whey Protein into the pudding.

While this looks lovely served on a plate, I served Noah & Dovie's in bowls, and cut them up making it easier to eat.

Caramel Orange YUM YUM Delight!

I stumbled upon an easy recipe that I simply MUST share tonight because it is absolutely melt-in-your-mouth YUM YUM AMAZING!

Everyone has heard of and I'm sure eaten a caramel apple or two in their lifetime, and I certainly am no exception. However, until tonight I had never imagined the delight that would come from eating an orange drizzled in caramel. I think I have found my new best friend-HIPS BEWARE! It was so easy to make, and since there were NO leftovers, cleanup was a breeze.

Recipe:

I used 2 large oranges, which made 4 adult-sized very filling servings.
1/2 cup Caramel Ice Cream Topping
Brown Sugar


Use a zester to achieve finely shredded orange peel, 1-2 Tablespoons to your taste.
Peel oranges then slice crosswise, and arrange on dessert plates.
In a small saucepan, combine caramel topping & orange peel. Cook on low until heated.

Drizzle caramel over orange slices, then top with desired amount of brown sugar and serve.

Now then, ORANGE you glad you read my Blog tonight to get this fabulous recipe? Of course you are! NIGHT NIGHT!

Mommies Sharing Meals!

I knew my Friend Kristie, whose link for her store here on my Blog, was creative in her posh princess designs. However, today I realize she is equally creative at serving up healthful FUN meals to her children!

Check out this photo she so sweetly gave me permission to share! Then, check out her beautiful and fancy creations on her web site for Bella's Bowtique! http://www.etsy.com/shop/bellasbowtique2008

What a fabulously FUN and HEALTHY idea!

Healthy Waffle Breakfast Sandwich

As any Mama of a Toddler would agree, planning meals can be a real challenge-especially when trying to satisfy the picky taste of one's children while at the same time making healthy choices-not to mention trying to do this while saving both money and time. Having 3-year old Twins has made me more health-conscious than ever before, and I am always in search of creative ways to introduce new foods into the mouths of my children. Today it was MISSION COMPLETE, as Noah and Dovie were quick to devour their breakfast and say to me in their tiny sweet voices, "YUMMY MOMMY, YUMMY!" **Please Note-my children are on a Dr. Ordered higher-fat diet. You will therefore see in my recipes butter, cheese, milk, and added natural fats. You may subsitute/omit to your discretion.

Here is the quick and easy recipe as I prepared it (this recipe is enough for 2 Toddlers to share, or for 1 older child or adult)

Waffle Sandwich:

Toast 2 Central Market Organic Whole Wheat Flax Waffles.
Spread natural peanut butter on 1 waffle, then drizzle with honey and add raisins.
Top with other waffle, then cut in half. (You may also serve whole or cut into quarters)

Egg Whites

I have started using Grapeseed Oil as a cooking additive and to lightly coat my pans. The high smoke point and delicate flavor is a plus, as its real value is the antioxidant Vitamin E. It tastes great, and I prefer it's flavor over my usual go-to olive oil.

So, I start by lightly coating my pan with Grapeseed Oil
Cook 4 Egg Whites in pan, add sea salt to taste. I added yellow cherry tomatoes, cut in smaller pieces, and a small amount of mild cheddar cheese.

Warm Brown Sugar Pineapple

Fresh Pineapple cut into bitesized pieces and topped with brown sugar and warmed in microwave or pan.

Try this recipe out and I'm sure it will become one of your Family's new favorites! GO MOMS GO!

It's NOT LUCK and It IS Fair!

If I hear someone say to me or another Fit and Healthy Mama, "It's Not Fair how you look after having kids!" one more time I am seriously gonna blow a gasket!

What prompted this note today? A friend of mine (who has 3 young children and an AMAZING physique) mentioned in a recent post that she hears comments such as "Oh, it's just not fair that you are so skinny after 3 kids!" all the time. Or people tell her she is "lucky" to have such a fabulous figure. They do speak the truth about how fabulous she looks (and believe me she does look FAB-even better than she did in high school, (which in itself is amazing since she was a gorgeous and glamorous gal back then, and I should know because I went to high school with her!) However, as well intended as their compliments are, they are greatly misinformed about the nature of her statuesque shape. Sonja has spent 20 years as an avid runner, 10 years lifting weights, and she consistently engages in a variety of physically challenging exercises. She follows a healthy diet and leads a healthy lifestyle. THIS, my friends is exactly WHY she looks the way she does-luck has nothing to do with it, nor does "good genes." Sonja's HARD WORK is the reason this Mama of 3 young children has a beautifully sculpted body!

I myself have heard similar comments. I am not perfect, in fact I am far from my physique goal. I am however, PROUD of the fact that I lost 89 pounds after having Twins. I am proud of the fact that albeit I have a family history of obesity, I maintain a healthy body weight. Yes, I sell and take nutritional supplements including those that help burn fat and lose weight. However, I did NOT lose my 89 pounds by taking "magic pills." I lost 89 pounds by picking up tools made of iron called "weights," " barbells," and "dumbbells," curling them, lifting them, jerking them, pushing and pulling them, and doing all sorts of crazy moves with them before finally setting them back down "gently" with a huge sigh of relief. I lost my 89 pounds by busting my bootie for an entire summer during sweltering temperatures, pounding the pavement with an Ironman Running Stroller carrying my Twins, pushing a combined weight of around 80 pounds for miles and miles and miles. While my Twins enjoyed many nice long naps with the cool breeze of 2 mini fans blowing in their sweet faces, I enjoyed every minute of my pain and exhaustion by focusing on my GOAL-becoming The Fit Healthy Mom-a goal that, despite many doubts of naysayers, I knew I could and would achieve.

I knew when I was pregnant with my Twins that I would have a lot of weight to lose and that it would be a struggle. I'll never in my life forget being approached by an employee who said to me, "Once you have those babies your body will never be the same." What could have discouraged me added fuel to my fire. I do not understand what part of "Calories In versus Calories Out" and "Build More Muscle to Burn More Fat" or, in simple terms, "Burn (via exercise) More Calories than you Consume" that people don't believe, but IT IS TRUE! America is in a sad state today as evident by simply glancing around any eatery, shopping center, gas station-and sadder still-any PLAYGROUND. Where once being overweight was the minority, it has now become the norm. Now, when a shapely Mama with a child or children walks into a crowded room everyone stares. Used to be, when an overweight person walked into a room all eyes would be on them-not so much anymore because this is "just how it is" here in America. Sure, Fast Foods and Sugars and all the Artificial "this and thats" could be blamed, but I think there is a serious case of the "don't want to's" and the "I can'ts" in this country. I really don't think my employee was trying to be mean or discouraging, she genuinely believed that it is impossible to get back into one's pre-pregnancy state after popping out a couple of kids. I think many women believe this, and feel like "what's the point?" and just give up. How Unfortunate!

I appreciate when folks offer a compliment regarding my body or my weight loss, and I know they mean well, but frankly when they tell me how "lucky" I am, and especially when they say how "unfair" it is that I look a certain way, I am offended. Why? Because I WORKED for my results. Luck had nothing to do with it. I EARNED every bit of how I look because of my hard work, so yes, it is fair and it is just. I worked hard every day-sometimes twice a day even on some of Texas' hottest days in history. I followed a clean, healthful diet, dropped artificial sweeteners, refined sugars, sodas, diet sodas, fast food, and candy from my meal plans, and ate every 3-4 hours. I drank gallons and gallons of clean filtered water, and I took my Omega-3's and Multivitamins daily. I made a plan, I worked my plan, and I achieved results which I have maintained for 3 years.

While I am on my soapbox about how hard I have worked to EARN the way I look, let me also mention how, other than the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard, the only thing worse to hear than the aformenioned is "well, you are a stay-at-home-Mommy, so you HAVE TIME to work out." OH REALLY?!?! Ever have Boy/Girl Twins? You should try it sometime when you want a REAL WORKOUT!!! No, I do NOT "have time" to work out. I rarely have time to take a nice hot bubble bath any more. Several times throughout the day I find myself doing sprints to the bathroom because I have kept so busy I have forgotten that I HAVE TO PEE! I keep deoderant in my car because I sometimes stay so busy that I forget to apply it in the morning. I worked 10 years as the Corporate Sales Trainer at a huge national company where I was in charge of training 100 + employees, stood on my feet all day every day, and worked crazy long hours-albeit I had loads of fun and I loved my career, it was hard work, but NOTHING in comparison to what kind of work I have done for the last 3 years and I will do for the next 15. Ok, DEEEEEEEEEEP BREATH! So, now that you understand that I am a stay-at-home WORKING FULL TIME MOM (and wife-did I mention Wife? and Housekeeper, and Cook, and...) who does NOT have time to work out, let me break it down for ya: I have chosen to MAKE TIME to workout-I awake daily at 4:15am to make my 5:00am workouts. There-enouh said, right? (Because you know I can go on :)

So, more to the point of the whole "I make time to workout" subject, what is it with people using the excuse "I don't have time to workout?" Of course you don't have time to workout, but just like any other thing of importance in your life, if it is of value to you then certainly you will do whatever it takes-even if it means getting up at some crazy early or late hour, in order to make it happen for yourself, right? That may not be something you personally are willing to do for yourself, but for me it has become a RESPONSIBILITY like any other in my life, placed high on my list of priorities. Working out has become like breathing to me-it simply MUST be done, and I do it first and foremost to SURVIVE!

Finally, let me mention another friend of mine Susana, who is married, who has 2 children, who works, and who has just completed a Marathon. She works out every day like the Champion of Health and Fitness she is, In fact, now that I mention it, I know several STRONG ladies who have families, children, work either inside or outside of the home, all of whom wake up in the wee hours to work out in our 5 am FitCamp (Atmo's FitCamp Katy, TX)-I'm certain that they would agree with me that they are not "LUCKY" to look like they do, and I bet they would agree that it certainly "IS FAIR" that they are in such AMAZING shape!

So please, when you see a strong woman with an incredibly fit body-whether she has kids not-please, compliment her-she deserves it. Keep in mind however, that the best form of flattery you can pay her is to acknowledge her hard work!

Just Sayin'!

Healthy Yummy Easy Recipes

Those who know me best understand that cooking is not my favorite talent. In fact, I am NOT talented in cooking and it is not something I enjoy doing. However, years of spending money on other people's "healthy cooking" and fast food put a few extra pounds on me and cost a small fortune.

One of my goals for 2011 is to consistently cook healthy meals for my family. Being a Mommy of Twins Toddlers, my time is limited to say the least, so I am on the lookout for healthy recipes that are fast and easy to make and taste delicious. Here I will share only those recipes that I have successfully created and that my family has approved of by cleaning their plates.

Wednesday 05 January 2011
Turkey Meatloaf

1-1.5 pounds lean ground turkey breast
1/2 c diced red bell pepper
1/2 c diced green bell pepper
1/2 c diced yellow bell pepper
2 eggs
1 c or 1 piece whole wheat bread broken into bits or "crumbs"

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Grease a loaf pan-I like the spray-on olive oil cooking spray

In large bowl combine all ingredients except bread, making sure that the egg covers the mixture completely. I used my hands to mix it up, as this worked better than the spoon. Next add the bread crumbs, using your hands to gently work all over the mixture-be careful not to overdo this part-just enough to get the bread evenly dispersed.

**I lightly salted & peppered my mixture, and added a bit of garlic salt and crushed red pepper for an added kick!**

Put mixture into loaf pan and cook for 40 minutes or until thermometer reads 160 degrees.

Topping

In a small bowl mix 4 tbsp ketchup, 2 tbsp honey, 2 tbsp lite soy sauce, and 1 tbsp worcestershire sauce. Microwave until warm, then use as topping for turkey meatloaf. I used a slice of velveta cheese melted atop the loaf, then put the topping over it.

We LOVE this recipe-it is cheap, fast, and easy to make. It tastes great and it's healthy.

Simple Snack
Whole Wheat Spinach Foldover
This one is super fast, easy, yummy, and healthy.

Whole Wheat soft tortillas
Hummus
Fresh Baby Spinach Leaves
Feta Cheese
Diced Cherry Tomatoes

It's so simple! Warm tortillas, spread hummus on top, add ingredients, fold over, and enjoy!

JOEL OSTEEN Don't Lose Your joy #371

Observations of a Mommy

Even before getting pregnant I read all the books on the bestsellers list about "what to expect when pregnant," and others of the sort. Throughout my pregnancy I read more books on the subject, watched Discovery Channel programs, and researched via the internet any and all subject matter pertaining to being a Mother. I sought advice from my own family, and was offered an abundance of "free" advice from friends, relatives, and total strangers.

However, nothing could have fully prepared me for the incredible journey I was about to begin, and would continue taking for the rest of my life-the journey of Motherhood.

Our beloved children, our precious little Miracles and gifts from God, Noah Elrod and Dovie Grace, celebrated their second birthday on September 11, 2010 while we were living as Expats in Singapore. It seems like only yesterday I was watching them move about in my huge belly as I waited ever so patiently for their arrival into the world. They are amazing children, beautiful inside and out, funny, smart, and oh so loving. They are kind and gentle, and sometimes they are temperamental and rough. Being twins, they are abundant with similarity, and they are also unique individually.

I love to observe them when they are unaware that I am watching, and always I am both surprised and proud of what I see. I see Noah, Dovie's "older" brother by 3 minutes, giving his "little" sister a hug or giving her the piece she needs to complete a puzzle. I see Dovie lovingly sharing a toy or her milk with Noah. There are times too where I see Dovie sneak in a quick bite on Noah's arm when she doesn't get her way, and Noah smack Dovie atop her head when he gets mad. These are the times I step in and quickly make my presence known.

Now, at 28 months old Noah and Dovie are meeting and exceeding all of their milestones, and everyday I am amazed at how well they are developing physically, cognitively, and emotionally. They are excellent puzzle solvers, and they have become quite the little artists. When they color I've noticed that they try to stay "within the lines" of the pictures, and they are also choosing the appropriate colors for their artwork. They have mastered the art of imitation, something that keeps Mommy and Daddy on their toes in minding their manners and their language. Speaking of language, Noah and Dovie love learning new words. They have mastered their ABC's and numbers, and they are forming complete sentences consisting of as many as 10 words-they amaze me every day.

Every night when I tuck them into their beds, they put their sweet little hands together in prayer position and say "Pray Mommy!" Later, after I've come downstairs I'll hear them via the baby monitor singing softly, "Jesus Loves Me." Then, usually, Dovie Grace will, in a gentle voice say "I want a little milk Mommy. Just a little bit of milk." This lasts a few minutes, until she drifts off to sleep. Then, I'll hear Noah Elrod talking to himself as he plays with his Buzz Lightyear, and then I'll hear Buzz chime in with a "To infinity and beyond!" It's times like these that I realize just how blessed Joshua and I are to have our Little Angels.

It's funny, there are times during the day when I feel tired, get a little frustrated and just want to sit down, relax, and have some quiet time just to myself. But I have to admit, the quiet time that comes after our children have gone to sleep always has me entering their room, tucking them back in, kissing them and telling them how much I love them, and wishing they were awake so that I could enjoy their company some more. Until morning, which always promises a new adventure, I'll wait with anticipation and enter my own dreamland thanking God for giving me the greatest Gift of Motherhood.

Welcome to My Story!

Hi!

Thank you kindly for visiting my site and taking the time to read my story. My purpose in sharing my life is to inspire and encourage women of any age to get into and stay in the best shape and health of their life. I am especially passionate about helping other Moms become fit and healthy, allowing them to better enjoy the blessings of their children, to set a positive example for them, and to live a longer, fuller life.

I am not a doctor, a nutritionist, a personal trainer, or a licensed medical practitioner. What I am is a 39 year old Mommy of Twin Toddlers who has experienced for herself the battle of the buldge and the victory of healthy, natural weight loss. I am a Mom who after finally getting pregnant with Twins via IVF, was told by many people that I would never get all my weight off, and that my body would never return to its pre-pregnancy shape. I am a Mom who ignored the naysayers and made a commitment to myself and to my children that I would become The Fit Healthy Mom and my own Superhero.

Through my posts I will share with you the steps I took to lose 89 pounds, and go from a size 12 to a size 4 in just a few months. It was not easy, there were no "magic" pills that melted away my fat, and yes I had to do a lot of work. However, I made the "work" fun and enjoyable so it became something I looked forward to doing every day. Despite struggling with my weight for most of my life and having a family history of obesity, I have become a Fit Healthy Mom-and you can become one too!